Good news, ladies! You will only be happy and beautiful for one year of your life.  But, don't get too excited at a mere 365 days, as you may not even get that. Because women are miserable. 

A  "study" has shown that women are happiest when they are 28. At 28 we have the best sex, love our bodies the most, and are therefore the most confident we've ever been.

But after 30?

Once you turn 30, you're fucked. Why? Because women are too busy fretting about "growing old and developing grey hair and wrinkles."

Who would make generalization about women over 30? Who, you ask, is behind this study which must be terribly accurate and scientific if the likes of The Telegraph to be reporting on its findings?

Clairol Perfect 10, that's who. No, that's not a University. That would be a brand of hair dye.

They say that in their study of 4,000 women, they found that the women at 28 are at a "perfect point" when everything "comes together". They are practically skipping through fields because they have the security of a job, a "steady income", are, of course, in a relationship, and have strong friendships.

And, like, even though they just told you you would only be happy at 28 because then you'll start worrying about being grey and wrinkled, they assure you that "surpassing your twenties no longer triggers the downward spiral of your looks and self-confidence."

Oh. Of course it doesn't! Because they have a cure! A cure for that downward spiral of your looks and self confidence.

And that cure is simply "a little time put aside in hectic schedules". What for? Oh. It's for "self pampering" and "the odd beauty product" which can "keep you feeling young and looking your best".

Apparently out of the 4,000 25-65-year-olds they asked, Clairol Perfect 10 found special little milestones to look forward to in our life, as apparently:

- At 29, women are happiest in their career

- At 30 women are "most content with their relationships" despite having the" best sex at 28". (But women don't really care that much about sex so surely it doesn't matter...)

And even though Clairol have made a huge fucking deal about us feeling all old and wrinkled and hideous by the time we're 30, they assure us "all is not lost" when we reach the big 3-0 as "women feel most content with their financial situation at 33 and at ease with their home and family life at 32".

So, you'll be ugly, fat, grey and wrinkled, but at least you'll have money and a home and family to look after. But! If you can find the time in your "hectic schedule" to use Clairol Perfect 10, you'll still be fat and wrinkled with money and a house and family to look after... with great hair.

And psychologist Corinne Sweet - presumably a renowned Hair Psychologist- explains how women's self worth really just depends on how good her hair is looking on any given day...

"Having a good hair day is essential to success both at work and in love, as many women still feel their hair is their crowning glory.

"Considering it was found that women have six bad hair days a month, anything women can rely on to improve their hair at home, in the minimum of time with guaranteed results can mean a huge lift in well-being, confidence and self-esteem.

"This can help women feel they are in the driving seat in their lives, despite the challenging times of modern life and always being on the go."

Having a good hair day - which can happen only approximately 24 days a month - is essential to women finding love, being happy, and being successful at work. And using products that can help us maintain our "crowning glory" of perfect hair will help us feel that we are in the "driving seat" of our lives. You know, despite constantly being "on the go".

I don't know about you, but as soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to go grab a box of Clairol Perfect 10 and set aside some "me time" to pamper myself. I mean, how else will I ever be successful or loved or in the driver seat of my life?! HOW WILL I EVER FIND HAPPIINESS OVER 28?!?!

Special Treat: Check out Clairol's website where they show "before and after" shots of poor women who never took time to pamper themselves, and then how PERFECT their lives were after they died their hair.