Shocking news over at The Mail this week – women don’t always dress to look sexy for men! I KNOW! It surprised me too. As it is, women dress to impress each other – or gay men.
I didn’t realise this was such a newsworthy event, but ho hum, the Mail always teaches us something new doesn’t it? High fashion looks are very rarely designed to be sexy. Why should they be? If you feel sexy, you’re gonna look it no matter what you wear. I’ve said before on here that fashion should be about being creative, having fun and being a bit adventurous.
Looking fashionable is one thing, looking good is another… and looking sexy? Well that’s something totally different altogether.
Here are six of the best high fashion, low attraction items I’ve been browsing this week.
These are the clothes that will get you ‘hilarious’ comments from construction workers rather than wolf whistles. And that’s a good thing, right?
Silk Floral Jumpsuit
£80, Topshop
It’s floral, it’s a jumpsuit, it’s baggy, it’s ruffly. It’s pretty much killing it in every way from the fash-pack’s point of view but it does also look a bit like something your mum might have had in the '70s/something a crazy RE teacher might wear. You could further ugly it up with some flat gladiator sandals or maybe clunky clogs. I love clogs and I especially love that everyone always remarks on how ugly they are.
Feather Coat
£5,400, Jason Wu @ Browns
Yes, this coat costs over five grand. Despite the extortionate price tag and crazy amount of handiwork that no doubt went into it, I defy anyone to wear this feathered number anywhere except the Vogue offices and not get Big Bird remarks. You would probably feel like a queen in it though and lest we forget that Jason Wu’s two most famous clients are Michelle Obama and Ru Paul.
Foil Body Con Dress
£35, ASOS
This dress is very tight and very short, which automatically places it in the ‘sexy’ category, but the fact that it appears to be made of Bacofoil promptly lands it back into the ‘fashion’ column. Yes there’s a revealing plunging back but look a little closer; there’s also shoulder pads. Shoulder pads weren’t even considered attractive in their '80s heyday so pretty sure that the '00s revival isn’t going to win over any new fans. Shoulder pads and foil: passion killers yes, but just think of the fashion kudos.
Buckle Loafer
$505, Chloe Sevigny for Opening Ceremony
Chloe Sevigny is routinely listed as a style icon, but I’m pretty sure she’s never been voted in the FHM Hot 100. Her fondness for a clunky shoe (paired with ankle socks) and deliberately ill-fitting suit are what make her the fashion guru we know and love. Her line for swanky boutique Opening Ceremony is as awesome as we’d hoped and dreamed and one of the stand-out items is this buckled creeper. One part teenage punk, one part ugly orthopaedic shoe, this is a serious style statement that only the bravest can carry off.
Destroyed Denim Romper
$24, annalynne @ Etsy
Again with the romper/jumpsuit/playsuit debacle. So many people think they’re weird and resemble overgrown babygros, but the style set can’t get enough of them. This one is also in ‘destroyed’ denim – how fashion forward can you get? Throw in some studs and a few shreds and you’re all good to go. Can you imagine how comfortable you’d be in this mother?
Printed Spandex Harem Pant
£37, American Apparel
It’s been a while since I’ve given AA the love they deserve. These pants tick a selection of ugly but cool boxes which is probably why there are so many of these around East London. One of the benefits of this kind of clothing is that it’s inevitably comfier than any of that outrightly sexy business. Harems may divide opinion but that’s partially why they’re so awesome. That and the comfort of a crotch around your knees.