Hey Amber Rose! I thought we had something!
When you first started stepping out with Kanye I was really impressed, with him and with you. With him for choosing such a fine beard to cover his tracks* and with her for standing out in a sea of Hip-Hop Honeyz™.
There’s only so much weave and House of Derreon you can take before you start wondering if there’s a factory churning out sexy ladies for rappers to choose from, like some kind of adult orphanage.
Amber’s lovely bald head, her immense height, her fabulous backside… I love it all. And that’s before we start on her clothes! The immense array of sunglasses, the Gaga-rivalling shoulder-pads and platform heels… Amber wasn’t afraid to take a risk and look FASHION rather than good, cute, or sexy.
You can imagine my disappointment, then, when Amber started hanging out in bikinis and swimsuits and taking her clothes off at public events. And now this! I don’t know what to think. On the one hand I think, ‘if Gaga was wearing this, would I love it?’ – that’s the question I ask myself every morning when I get dressed.
On the other hand I just think, put it away, love. Oh you’ve got a fabulous body, oh you’re a bit kooky, oh you’re making a statement with your fucking weird contact lenses… we get it.
I know it’s hard being a celebrity lady, when people judge your every outfit. And I know I’m a bit schizophrenic with my thoughts on you, but Amber, this is a no. Wear something interesting again please, don’t just start being one of those snoresville hip hop wives who shows up looking sexy and brings nothing new to the table. And take those fucking contact lenses, no-one looks good in them, not even Mr Manson who generally gets carte blanche.
*Disclaimer: Kanye is not gay at all.
Image via: Wenn